Happy Mother's Day

Something really bothers me about Mothers’ Day being denigrated as being just another ‘Hallmark Holiday’.

Bothers is too weak a word, it’s more a case of being really pissed off about it. I get so angry that I sometimes find myself arguing with complete strangers who thought they were having a private conversation near me.

When I look at the key female figures in my life I see my wife and my mother-in-law. Unfortunately my own mother died from breast cancer back in 1996, which left me rather rudderless for a few formative years, but there is never a convenient time for such a thing so I accept life (and death) and move on. This blog is about the living, and these two maternal beings are amazing people, with their own styles, quirks, opinions and strengths, and both deserve the luxury of the queen treatment for a day.

This weekend I witnessed these two women performing their amazing acts of motherhood within the space of 48 hours. On Friday night my young
daughter, 10 months old, had been developing a cough. This isn’t all that new, she’s had a cold for a few days and you come to expect these sorts of noises, especially with a second child. But there was one cough that made my wife sit up straight like a meerkat, turn her adrenaline driven gaze to me and say “something’s wrong”. I hosed down the concern saying that she is just a kid with a cough and that it’ll all be okay, followed by “If you’re really concerned go upstairs and check on her to put your mind at ease”. I didn’t have to say that because my wife was already sprinting up the stairs to find my daughter gasping for air and struggling to breathe.

I called the ambulance, she calmed the baby. Then I went out to the street looking to catch the attention of the ambulance.

Standing on the street in the cold darkness, feeling my pulse throbbing in my neck and shivering with panic and fear, my mind turned to the amazing response of my wife. It was automatic, instinctive, primal and intense.
Somewhat more surprising, however, was the arrival of my mother-in-law. Let’s get this straight, this is not your usual nagging, interfering, nobody-is-good-enough-for-my-daughter type of mother-in-law, this woman is fun, lively and has accepted me into her family with open arms. But this doesn’t explain how she arrived at my house quicker than the ambulance (which eventually arrived in the space of 12 minutes.) I didn’t think much of it at the time, I was surprised but so glad to see her, I ushered her inside and waited for the ambulance.

My daughter recovered well. It was a case of croup, which needed urgent attention but is now completely healed. But something was chewing away in the back of my mind. How did my mother-in-law arrive quicker than the amblunace? The answer? She felt something was wrong. She didn’t make a call, she just ran to her car and drove across town before we had even called the ambulance.

A premonition? Intuition? Telepathy? I can’t explain it, but it is an amazing mother/daughter/grandmother bond that was on display and it has me stunned. It’s eerie to think about, even to this day I get a little overcome just thinking about it because it is amazing.
These magical people deserve a day of tribute.

One day a year, perhaps two if you really go to town for birthday celebrations. Why are there so many miserable people out there that hate Mothers’ Day? (and by extension, Fathers’ Day, Valentine’s Day and any other celebration that doesn’t have religious roots.)
The complaints come in a few common forms:

1. It’s just a day created by marketers to sell cards and gifts.
This isn’t true. Marketers didn’t create Mothers and they didn’t create the idea of honouring mothers and motherhood. The notion has been around since ancient times. Perhaps it is the commercialisation of the day that people don’t like? In fact I’m sure this is it, but this really shouldn’t stop you enjoying Mother’s Day or from giving your mum something she loves. If you’re not a materialist or a consumerist, commit an act of kindness! Our society is full of needless consumption. Household appliance sales go through the roof for Mother’s Day (because nothing says “I love you” like a brand new washing machine), and yes, so too the sales of greeting cards. The idea of Mother’s Day is great, if you don’t like commercialisation don’t buy into it, but please don’t look down on people for trying to express gratitude because THAT is obscene.

2. You shouldn’t wait until Morthers’ Day to pay tribute to your mother.
This is a fair comment, but it’s also rather stupid. Everyone is grateful for the great work done by their mothers. We literally wouldn’t be here without them, but the truth of life is that if someone gives you unrelenting support/help/service/love, etc then eventually you will take it as ‘normal’ rather than amazing, and in effect take it for granted. So even for those who do their best to try and make life easy for mothers, those who hold their hands during labour, those who do their share of the housework so it doesn’t fall back onto superwoman will take the great things for granted. A dedicated day to saying thanks makes everyone sit back and take stock of how lucky they are.
So if you put up a resistence to Mothers’ Day this year I hope you reconsider for next year. Mothers are great, they need to be told and in my mind Mother’s day should be a national holiday.

I’ll leave you with this strange clip – my mother, I’ll always love her……

Pester Power

Marketers are an evil breed.

Have you noticed how they position children’s toys at a child’s eye level in the supermarket? Of course you have! Have you ever noticed that everything from toothpaste to toe nail clippers have cartoon characters on them? Of course you have! The idea of pester power-  getting kids to nag at their parents until the sheer weight of noise breaks them down into purchasing some needless piece of crap just to shut them up – is not new.

Those evil marketers – they know exactly what they’re doing.

But did they ever think the opposite would happen?

It was only yesterday that I found myself taking my three year old to the supermarket. It was supposed to be a quick trip, and I prayed that it was going to be a painless one. All I needed was some milk and cheese. It really shouldn’t be too much to ask. So here I am, literally running through the supermarket, carry my three year old (who has moved into the bantam weight division) with the aim of moving so quickly that his young eyes can’t keep up with the hundreds of brands whizzing past his face. And it worked! Until I had to put him down to collect the milk and cheese. As soon as I put him down to the ground he yelled “DAD! Look at this! Thomas! Thomas pyjamas!”

"Oh shit", I thought to myself.

So I went over there, indulged the discovery of the young man and said “wow, that’s great! Now let’s go”. And to my surprise he said “okay.”

What!?
No argument? No fight? No tears, or screaming or tantrums? I felt cheated! How dare he do this to me!

“Jake – you know what? You’ve been a really good boy, do you want these Thomas pyjamas?”

“Nope” he said.

WHAT!?
This isn’t how it is supposed to work! I’m offering a gift here! I’m trying to buy some affection! I’m trying to put down a deposit on some good behaviour for the rest of the day!

“Come on! Take the pyjamas!”
“I don’t need them, dad”. he said, completely content with life.

I couldn’t believe my ears. Don’t get me wrong, it was great that he wasn’t cheated by those marketing scumbags into wanting something just because it had his favourite moody little blue train on it, but this simply wasn’t fair! I was looking for a payoff here, and my son was taking that chance away from me.

“Alright, we’ll get the pyjamas”

It is a cardinal sin of any marketer to fall victim to cheap marketing tactics, yet I had actually pestered my own son for the chance to buy something he didn’t really need for the sake of some enjoyment that he wasn’t even showing any interest in! I hang my head in shame.

For those interested – here is a remix of my two favourite childhood

Who is Lex Garey?

When I look around at the sorry state of the world in all its impoverished misery I sometimes find myself scratching my head and wondering which cause I should get behind and where I can really make an impact.


The sad part is that no individual can make an impact – it is the collective work of thousands of people that makes a difference. This is sad and I feel bad for these guys. As much as we all want to help and would prefer that people didn't have to suffer, there is an element within us all that likes to have direct influence and be able to see that.


Then I came across Lex Garey.


Who is he?

This is a young guy who likes to write. The topic of choice is connectivity – the ways in which humans manage to connect and intertwine their lives. He is intensely interested in how people manage to have deep and meaningful connectinos in seemingly innoucuous interactions. Very interesting material and he appears to be a really interesting writer.


More interesting, however, is the fact I came across his mission to get to Australia and immediately wanted to contribute. (Check it out) The interesting part for me is that I saw this and immediately wanted to help. Sure, I know that there are 1000 charities that are available to donate to, and they're only a small or two click away, but here I am hearing about a guy who has been giving a chance to come to Australia and experience the amazing thing that is a creative forum.


All he needs to do is raise $2,000.


I've thrown in $50 towards this. It's a mere 2.5% of the overall but it'll help. The concerning thing for me is that starving children etc are clearly in greater need for help than Lex – yet I want to help Lex much more. He isn't being forceful, he is simply putting out the message "I need to raise some cash to get to Australia – want to help?". Part of the appeal is that there is an endpoint. $2000 is attainable, whereas curing world hunger and poverty seems insurmountable.


Orphan Marketing is very much committed to helping people get out there and build careers. But the Orphan Marketing brand is simply an extension of my values and what I want to do. To contribute to this guy having the trip of a lifetime is a real buzz for me. More to the point, I just love how ridiculous it is! Out of nowhere some people from The Hub in Melbourne have decided to get together to bring this guy across. It's strange and amazing. It's just strange enough to want to be a part of.


Good luck to you Lex – hope you make it!



While you're here - follow Lex on Twitter @lex_garey

A Week in the life of the Orphan Marketer

The time for a revamp is here. I woke up and looked at myself in the mirror this morning– a frightful sight at the best of times but today was particularly bad. Sometimes I get depressed and when I wake up in that state it's like being at a night club when they turn the lights on to tell everyone to go home – it's an ugly sight.

"I have to drag myself out of this" I thought to myself.

To that end I've made the decision to turn a few things upside down, to make life a little more interesting, and of course, to document it along the way. Each week I'll post a blog that discusses four episodes of strangeness, personal encounters (good and bad) and also my obsessions: the worlds of psychology and marketing. This blog will now dig deeper than single marketing case studies or quick tips on how to present yourself – from now I'll be looking into the motivations, wants, urges, demands and spending habits in many fields. This week I look at some big issues: sex, religion, cars and iphone apps. I really wish I could think of an app that combined sex, religion and cars as I think the market potential would be enormous, but as it stands, these are three separate episodes of my life from this week.

 

Week 1, Episode 1: I can't be bothered having sex

Given the preamble written above you would most likely think this heading refers to me. It doesn't. My libido is unhealthy, but at the other end of the spectrum, and that's a story for another day. Today's story discusses the strange reality that a very long standing friend of mine can't be bothered having sex.

My friend is male, 28 years old, works full time as an orderly in a hospital, lives at home with his mother (parents divorced and has issues with his dad), part time graffiti artist. For the sake of this blog I'll refer to him as Dan, because that's his name. That little snapshot sums up the guy in the way most of us describe ourselves: our work and our hobbies. Sitting around at a bar a few nights ago I asked Dan how his love life is. As a direct consequence of his extreme lack of self-confidence and poor people skills the answer to this inquiry is usually "You know me man, I'm just too picky, although it's getting tough because I haven't had sex in like 6 months, it's tough."

But on this night Dan's answer was different. It turns out Dan had a great encounter and an ongoing relationship with an insatiable nurse. Although her sexual appetite is what he spoke about mostly it emerged through the conversation that this girl was crazy about him! Too early to call it love, I mean it's a casual affair but that's how all great loves begin, right? I was surprised, but happy for my friend. I'm guessing my excitement showed a little too much because he started to look a bit uncomfortable. "It's not as good as you think man, I just can't keep up. She wants to have sex two or three or four times in a row – I don't know if I can be bothered."

Wow.

Here is a guy that always complains about not having any sexual activity in his life, about girls not liking him, about having standards that are too high for an overweight guy that drinks and smokes too much and here he is, luck has delivered him a girl with a crazy sex drive and a deep infatuation with him. And he doesn't want it!

This confused me. It didn't make any sense at all. Sex is great fun, perhaps the most fun activity I can think of. Most people are either thinking about sex, or having sex most of the time. But this guy just doesn't have the appetite. He has an appetite, which shows in his complaints of not having sex when the well runs dry, but it appears to be more of a maintenance thing to him, just an activity to keep the tension down occasionally. It occurred to me that perhaps I'm in the minority, that even within my group of friends my thoughts and opinions around sex are different. I'm a reasonable guy and I can allow for this possibility, so I asked myself that if sex isn't at the top of his list of great things to do, what is?

"To be honest man, I just want to kick back with my friends, drink beer and get stoned"

And there it is. The declared preference of my friend is to lightly fry his brain in low grade toxins. He was destroying his brain bit by bit in preference to the rampant, primal, pleasurable, animal act of sexual intercourse. This was amazingly disappointing to me. I can understand that people can have a different set of likes and dislikes to me, but this is a clear sign that I'm losing a friend. Sure, we will still catch up regularly but the gregarious, funny, witty, sometimes charming, sometimes stupid friend that I grew up with is now, officially, a diminished version of himself.

The core of what we are is expressed in what we like and what we don't like. Everything else can come and go. "We are what we repeatedly do" says Aristotle, but he's thinking like a behaviourist. We are what we repeatedly want. This is why recovering alcoholics still refer to themselves as alcoholics.

The problem as I see it is that Dan doesn't actually want to sit with friends drinking and smoking all day, it's just that it is far easier than doing the really rewarding things in life. Exercise is the classic example. Eating a hamburger is a great feeling. The endorphin hit after exercise is a great feeling. To achieve the former you need $8.50 and to get off the couch for 10 minutes. To exercise you need to get up and run around at high speed for half an hour. The hamburger hit is the easy option, but ultimately the exercise is a better hit. Not only does it make you feel physically great, like a hamburger does, but it increases your view of yourself. You see yourself as slightly less lazy, on an improved health curve, etc. You don't get that with hamburgers, and you don't get that with being drunk and stoned all the time.

I need to get Dan to put the burgers away. Life can be so much better.

Epidosde two: All Human Societies have Religions

Do you ever take the time to read through publications that you hate just to get the opposing side? I do. It means that I can argue my point of view, explain myself clearly and make sure my opinion really is my opinion. For this reason I read The Economist. A recent article caught my attention. More specifically, a line in this article caught my attention "Religious types, noting the ubiquity (though not everyone is religious, all human societies have religions), argue that this proves religion is a real reflection of the underlying nature of things."

I grew up as a Catholic. For some reason my mother (now deceased) thought it extremely important to send me to a Catholic school. It was also very important for her that I went to an all-boy high school, apparently to make sure I wasn't distracted from my studies. Little did she know, unless she was watching from beyond the grave, that school became the distraction from girls. Merging the two would have at least kept me in class, but then, how would I have developed my sharp skills of negotiation and deception of authority figures? Thanks mum.

So I understand the culture of Religion. Morality is a great thing to teach children, it's essential. And as much as I hate rituals and the dark solemnity of hymns and eating blessed bread as a proxy for body parts of a man (demi-God?) now 2000 years dead, I can see that it is very helpful for a society to have a collective understanding of right and wrong.

But do we need religion for this?

My opinion is that we do not. The article in The Economist discusses that almost universal Religious notion of punishment for wrong doings, and what that overhanging dread does to a civilization and an individual. There are some interesting points but what I really want to know is what will happen in the absence of religion?

Religion forms a tricky little triangle with morality and law. The law of a country is supposed to represent and reflect the morality of its people, with an accompanying responsibility to protect those people. For example, the community as a whole clearly does not find marijuana use an abhorrent act. It is everywhere, yet it remains illegal on the basis of protecting people from themselves and preventing a build-up of unregulated industries. So where does religion fit? Religion has always driven the morality side. The Ten Commandments are as clear instructions as anyone could hope to receive. Interestingly, murder has been legislated against but coveting a neighbour is a driving force of the new capitalist economy. Imagine if the opposite were true, and we were free to kill and murder, according to law, but were thrown in jail if it could be proven that we were harbouring jealous thoughts of the guy next door with the attractive wife, swimming pool and fancy car.

It is often heard that we are becoming a secular society. This is true, religion definitely lacks the popularity it used to have (at least in this country!) But a deeper truth is that society is exercising its right to choose more than ever.

When I was growing up, twenty years ago, I knew that other Religions existed but they were weird and foreign and were thought to be something I would never encounter. It was all about Christianity. (Although there was this strange division between Catholics and other Christians that I thought was crazy, and still do.) The progression of life was that if your parents followed a religion, then you would too.

Then people realised they had a choice.

When I realised that nobody could force me to go to church I had the best day of my life. Sunday morning ALL TO MYSELF! It was an amazing, liberating feeling and I thought to myself, at the ripe age of ten years old, if church is such a good thing for me why is it such a chore? There was no joy for me listening to a priest rant from ancient texts, listening to a lot of old people try and sing and sound like some possessed mass of freaks that had long ago forgotten the meanings of their words but sang them to the best of their ability nonetheless.

At the risk of appearing glib, religion is now like car ownership. In Australia, back in the 1980s there were two real choices: Holden or Ford. Similar to the Catholic/Protestant distinction in Christian circles. Other options existed but they were for weird people and foreigners. Now, so many forms of religion, and personal spirituality, exist and people see that they can choose. And the most important choice of all is the choice to join or walk away.

This forces religion to provide pay offs. It used to provide people a moral umbrella and the comfort of knowing if they went to church this week their chances of going to heaven and having a pleasant after life were ever so slightly higher. Additionally, there was less chance of bad things happening to them. The cynical new age of people finds this hovering punishment to be a really poor motivator. We are a very impatient generation and we don't want to wait to receive the goods. The church simply won't get any traffic through their doors if their big payoff is going to be delivered after you die!

The Hillsong phenomenon is sweeping Australia and getting a lot of people to join. This is great. I don't agree with the institution of religion, there are far too many questions that remain unanswered, but the most important thing is that Hillsong makes people feel good! They get up there and sing their hearts out. The Sister-Act style choirs that I've seen in so many movies make me think "I can see how that would be fun!" This is what the church needs. You can send the same messages of morality and punishment – BUT LEARN HOW TO PROMOTE IT!

Episode three: without wheels

I made a big decision based on logic. I sold my car. I'm not a car person and I never thought I was particularly attached to my car. It was a Subaru Impreza, base model. All in all, it was a very comfortable car and in great condition. The sound system was okay, it wasn't overly powerful, it didn't turn heads or have sex appeal and I hadn't really been through any life-changing experiences with it.

But I miss that car!

In the logical part of my mind the decision was clear. I was rarely driving this sandy coloured machine. Now that work from home my wife and I can share a car. I'd prefer not to pay for insurance and maintenance for a car that just sits there five days a week. The extra cash is really handy. Even as I type this I'm doing so on a laptop that was paid with the money received from that car. Fantastic!

But I really miss that car!

And I now realise what I miss, and it isn't the ability to get to places – I can still do that in the car that my wife and I share. The thing I miss is that personalised little sanctuary. I can't explain to you the sheer pleasure I felt driving around with my music playing far too loud, with the windows down and singing at the top of my lungs. That, my dear readers, is a beautiful freedom that I miss.

It was sad to sell the car. The guy who bought it off me offered to give me the $19,000 in cold hard cash. Whilst that pile of dollars would have been an impressive sight, I opted for a bank cheque.

But it's an expensive freedom. Insurance, servicing and petrol cost approximately $3,000 a year. What a deal – a cash injection and I've saved myself$3,000 a year! It was an exciting deal, it was a quick deal and it was a satisfying deal. Economically speaking the decision is a great one, as long as the money I've got is going towards something just as pleasurable. It's very good to have the big weight of tertiary education debt off my back, but the removal of that burden seems to pale in comparison to that feeling!

If I can give an easy piece of advice to everyone it would be to fill your world with the music you love. It will give you energy and inspiration. We are the sum of our likes and dislikes, and music is a great form of personal expression. I enjoy my music in an isolated bubble, others might prefer it jumping around in a sea of people. Enjoy it your way, but make sure you enjoy it!

It is clear that I don't need a car for transportation. My ability to get around has not been hindered in the slightest, but the whole process has forced me to look closely at what I really enjoy – and it wasn't the car, it was the buzz of the music.

Now I really don't miss that car!

Episode Four: Build me an iPhone App

It is a great pleasure of mine that I work with entrepreneurs. In stark contrast to corporate life, these people are amazing to work with. Firstly, you get to know an entrepreneur very quickly. They wear their personalities on their sleeves. They have confidence and are generally excited people. The advantage of this is that you can find out very quickly if you're a personality match, and if you are – things happen very quickly!

Four of us were sitting around discussing the various business activiites of these three great minds. These three people made the majority of their cash twenty years ago and now tend to work out of habit and pleasure than out of necessity. To this end I get a lot of questions thrown my way about 'young stuff'. One such topic is iPhone applications.

Two psychologists, a techie and me, in a room. Six, eager eyes pointed at me wanting my opinion. Unfortunately I have absolutely zero experience in designing and creating iPhone applications! Sure, I'm a user and I've got 30 or so apps on my phone, but that doesn't make me an expert!

But that is where my view on life is very different to that of an entrepreneur.

There I was explaining the limitations of my experience and skillset, trying to make sure I wasn't presenting any false expectations. This didn't matter to my small audience. Roadblocks are not roadblocks to this group of people – they're mere inconveniences that we will get through. Don't know how to build an iPhone App? That's okay, we'll learn how!

That happened four short months ago. We are now a week away from publishing Rate-Me on the AppStore. It has been one of the steepest learning curves of my professional life. When I sat down to Christmas dinner in December last year I had no idea how to put all this together. Four weeks along and I've designed, developed, built and published an iPhone App.

The lesson in all of this?

1. Download the Rate-Me App as soon as you can!
   
2. Surround yourself with people that DO. There are countless people that will say "it's too hard" or "it will take too long" or "I can't do that". Let these people dwell in the land of limitations, if you want to get things done, find people who are willing to roll up their sleeves and do it!
   

What Brand are YOU?

This world has a very negative view of people who try to influence others. Salesmen are amongst the most negatively referred to groups in our society, right next to thieves and parking attendants. But the truth is that we are all trying to influence other people all of the time. Right now I'm trying to influence you into agreeing with what I'm saying. Funnily enough, you're probably now trying to convince yourself that you won't be influenced, but please, read on, it'll be worth it.

So whilst we are all being influenced constantly, from all directions, and also trying to influence the world in every other direction, you can see that there is a massive amount of tension building up in our little societies. It really is amazing the amount of duress humans put themselves under for the sake of….well…..for no good reason at all! Let's take a second to look at how you interact with the world. What is the image you project?

Difference between perceptions and reality

Most people consider themselves more intelligent than most others. Obviously this is logically flawed, we are not all of superior intelligence. It simply isn't possible! Likewise we are not all the best at our jobs, or the best drivers, or the best looking, or the fittest, or the funniest. There must be an advantage to this type of delusion – it's immensely widespread. Oh that's it! It makes us feel better! And once again we come to the ultimate truth of all marketing – it's all about feeling good. The effects of cognitive dissonance (a tendency to change your thoughts/attitudes to justify and continue existing behaviour) and the love of comfort zones mean that we all have this tendency to view ourselves as superior. Viewing ourselves as superior, despite it not necessarily being the case, is much easier actually being superior – which takes effort and leaves us open to criticism.
(Note – issues such as body dysmorphic disorder and other perceptual psychological illnesses are examples of the brain perverting these protective systems. My discussion ignores these relatively rare conditions)

Problems exist when we want to achieve something, or are expecting results based on our perceptions of ourselves and they don't happen. If you consider yourself particularly good looking and charming yet every woman you approach looks the other way then there is an urgent need to change your view of yourself as charming. Likewise, in the workplace you might consider yourself a hard working, industrious type – but if everyone else thinks yu're slacking off all the time then something has to change. Take a minute to think about how you are viewed by others –potential customers, co-workers and the general public. If you want positive, warm interactions then you need a bit of an understanding of how people like to be treated.

Clothes maketh the man? Blond hair and big breasts? What is all this?

Image and personal presentation are the first things that people experience when they encounter you (although the online world is changing this!). But people often make the basic error of thinking that clothes make the man. They don't. Clothes help, but at the end of the day it's wrapping paper and if the person inside is bland then the encounter may be pleasant, but forgettable. It's also important to remember that dressing 'well' usually means conforming to a certain standard or look. Conformance is easy to forget. Again, you need to be impressive in how you interact with people. Branding yourself as well dressed can be a good thing, but if you think it will make the difference between getting a job, or a sale, or a sponsorship you are completely missing the point.

Nothing catches a man's eye more successfully than a tall blond with tanned skin and big breasts. I really detest this as a fact of life, but it's true. It makes men seem so shallow and downright stupid. Next time you see a blond with tanned skin and big breasts, take your eyes off her for a second and look at the people around her. Every single man in the vicinity will have his eyes follow her. It doesn't even matter if she has a particularly unattractive face, guys will look, smirk and smile. This 'brand' of woman is presenting a headline. An obvious visual statement that for some, perhaps biological reason, is guaranteed to get noticed. Like the man in the sharp suit (who is decidedly more common than the tall blond female and therefore less head-turning) it is an introduction. But as every good marketer knows – grabbing attention is easy, keeping people's attention is where the skill comes in.

How do you sell yourself? Who is your target market?

This is the important one. What is it that you want from people? Do you want them to leave you alone? Fine, be rude and closed off. Refuse to smile and keep conversation to a bare minimum. This won't get you very far if you are looking to influence people, but it's a way of choosing what you want. Do you want to be remembered? Then you need to stand out. The great part about this is that society is getting ruder and more impatient. The reason it is great is because it's easier to stand out just for being friendly and interested in someone. Beyond the roles, costumes, facades and moods of all us lies an individual – a social being that would prefer stimulating entertaining conversation to mundane repetition. The extension of this is that nobody can resist warming up to people who show an interest in them.

Are you true to your brand?

Are you trying to be a hard-hitting confrontation-loving manager? Does it really suit you? Do you find yourself constantly trying to keep up with how everyone else within the organisation acts and behaves? Then there's big chance that you're either miserable, in the wrong organisation or both. We all cling to our jobs to the point of doing just about anything to keep them, forgetting that this big wide world has infinite possibilities and options. I can tell you now that you will be infinitely more successful in life – whether you measure success in happiness, promotions or money, if you are true to yourself. Nobody trusts a company that presents as being great that delivers nothing. Likewise nobody will trust you if you are trying to convey images of competence or fitting in when you're out of your depth. Sometimes it's a lot better to work with what you have, instead of trying to grab onto everything that you don't.

I found this out a difficult way. I had always followed in the footsteps of my grandfather: a conservative, serious, old-school business type. He spent 50 years with the same company and has set himself up immensely well in his retirement. I congratulate him, but it took me until 18 months ago to realise that I'm not built this way. I had been working my backside off in his organisation, getting great results but not ever really being accepted by the people within the company. They were all guys that had come off the tools and into the office. I was a university graduate with no real knowledge of what it was like to be on a worksite and slave away with 50 hours of manual labour a week. So I got out of there and I've never looked back. Instead of fighting against the tide every day I'm embracing the change and loving every minute.

The other common mistake that people make is being too contained! If you sit there thinking things that you don't say out loud then people aren't seeing you for everything that you are! You are completely misrepresenting yourself! I see this as the most common and horrendous self-crime there is. By all means filter what you say in order for it to be compliant with your surroundings, but make sure you express yourself! You would be amazed how many of those thoughts and comments that you think are offensive are actually perfect ice-breakers. I had a business meeting with a client last week. The man was underdressed and looked embarrassed. The first thing I said to him was "Thank God one of us dressed appropriately! It's far too hot for a shirt and tie!" and I ripped off my tie. You could literally see the discomfort disappear from him.

Now be whatever you want to be – anything less is a lie.

We’ll Match ANY Advertised Price

Price is probably the most poorly understood element of the traditional marketing mix – but the "match any price" campaigns that have been run by Dan Murphy's Liquor and Bunnings Warehouse, to name just two, shows that these guys understand it. Bunnings, and I believe their close relative Officeworks, used to offer to beat any advertised price by 5-10%. This is no longer the case – these guys compete by offering the same price.
It's not a very nice thing to do. As these companies tend to be the biggest in their respective fields, they are essentially blocking the opposition from making any short term gains or impact by have price promotions. It is quite a cunning plan – let the little guys try to undercut you on price, watch them spend a huge bucket of money on advertising and spreading the word – then cash in by offering the same price. It appears to be the business place equivalent of pushing in front of cutting in front of a bus cutting in front of a long line of traffic. It's a whole new level of exploiting economies of scale and it is extremely effective.
Why do customers go for this?
It seems a little strange doesn't it? Someone sees a catalogue in their letterbox, sees an extremely cheap price for something they like and think "Wow! I'm going to take this to a shop that charges a higher price! They can have my money, not the guy who has taken the time to actually give me such a nice offer". And here's the little psychological twist: people get a lot of satisfaction out of discovering a deal. They get even more satisfaction from presenting this deal to people. When that deal is presented to a company that should be big enough to offer such a great deal then the pleasure payoff is massive.
There is also the fact that the larger retailers have a much broader product range. So whilst you can get this special deal you can also breeze through the shelves and know that anything else that takes your fancy will also be available. This is an undeniable appeal but I don't believe it is the driving force of this little marketing game.
I've often said that if you get stuck competing on price it means that you're not different enough. The interesting thing about this price matching strategy is that the large retailers aren't actually competing on price – they are eliminating price from the competitive landscape. An elegant, effective move.
It all comes a little unstuck
The dreaded asterisk has suddenly come into play! On account of being a national retailer, Dan Murphy's Liquor has come into a little bit of strife. The prices they charge in country towns are higher due to the freight costs involved in getting the products on the country shelves. All of a sudden "any advertised price" can cut into their profits. The conditions, which appear on their website, include: "Competitors' premises must be within 10km of our store". There's a lesson there in being very careful about what you promise.


What do you do if you are a little guy?
It's a tough world, and when big companies are more interested in destroying your profitability than buying you out then you need to avoid the practice of competing on price alone. Sure offer a special price deal – but make it on privately branded product, or in conjunction with an event "half priced wine for attendees to our special wine tasting event". And most of all – make sure your service is better than the big boys – it's all too common for the big retail brands to get fat and lazy when their scope widens and they forget to smile at those that hand over the cash.

Some great EASY marketing that you can do RIGHT NOW

Ever been a little unsure of your marketing efforts? Not knowing if you are really pursuing the right options. Thinking about how you should be focuses on an ROI and making decisions of the various options?

Well not everyone is in a position to do so.
What about market research? Scientific, well conducted research is a beautiful and rare thing. But I'm not talking about that, it's expensive and demanding.
It's this easy:

1. Select 5 existing customers.
   I hope you have five customers. If not, no problem just proceed to step two. It is best if these five customers aren't competitors, or territorial, or secretive. But even if they are it doesn't really matter. Find five people who already use your product. It doesn't matter if they are satisfied customers, or ex-customers, they just have to be people who have at one point in time bought your product.
    
2. Select 5 people who aren't customers.
   Preferably they are people that you wish were buying your product, but aren't.
    
3. Select an event or restaurant that you think these people would want to go to.
   This could be a BBQ cookup out the back of your shop, or fine dining, or a football match. It could be anything but it definitely has to be something that your customers would really like.
    
4. Buy 11 tickets, write 10 invites.
   This is the tricky part. Tricky for two reasons: 1) it costs money and 2) you need a little bit of skill here. Most recipients of such invites will be suspicious that you're trying to make them buy more. That's an indirect goal but you're looking at the bigger picture here. You need to word it in a way that says "I WANT TO KNOW ABOUT YOU".
    
5. Attend the Event, have fun and get to know some people!
   Even if you spend $100 per person this is a great event, but you need to keep your eye on the purpose. What is that purpose? It's a fact finding mission. Find out why (or why not) these people buy your product. Ask them if they are getting a better offer elsewhere, find out how they spend their time and what makes them tick.
    
6. Don't let them see the hunger in your eyes
   This is the most important point. And it needs to be repeated for emphasis. If these people get the sense that you're trying to sell to them you have lost the game. They will close up and stop giving you want you need, and the whole exercise will be a waste of time.

Please don't leave this up to your salesmen. Good salesmen are great relationship builders, poor salesmen are pushy and irritating. This event needs to be about understanding a range of complaints, problems and issues. Having all of these people in the same place means you can quickly see what problems are shared (and therefore definitely need addressing) and which might just be unique to a subset of customers. This is a marketing exercise because it is about understanding the market better. Change the number of invitees based on your time, budget and capability.

I laid out this plan to a friend recently who was struggling to get her café up and running. It was in the middle of a busy café strip in which every single shop was full except hers. She couldn't understand it and neither could I. One afternoon she had a closed session such as the one I'm describing. Obviously there was free coffee for everyone on arrival but when the food was brought out hardly a nibble was had by the existing customers. The 'hopeful' customers were trying and turning up their nose. The session revealed the following:

• Her food was a big turn off, putting her at a disadvantage to all other cafes.
• Her lower priced coffee (intended to bring more customers) made people think she was using low-grade coffee beans
• The music she played drove people away
• The fish tank near the front window needed a good clean.

She's addressed most of these issues and all of a sudden things are starting to turn around. It cost her $300 and her daily turnover has tripled and is continuing to go up. Amazing how simple it can be! The skill comes from keeping it informal and personal. Whatever you do, do NOT use the term FOCUS GROUP!