Happy Mother's Day

Something really bothers me about Mothers’ Day being denigrated as being just another ‘Hallmark Holiday’.

Bothers is too weak a word, it’s more a case of being really pissed off about it. I get so angry that I sometimes find myself arguing with complete strangers who thought they were having a private conversation near me.

When I look at the key female figures in my life I see my wife and my mother-in-law. Unfortunately my own mother died from breast cancer back in 1996, which left me rather rudderless for a few formative years, but there is never a convenient time for such a thing so I accept life (and death) and move on. This blog is about the living, and these two maternal beings are amazing people, with their own styles, quirks, opinions and strengths, and both deserve the luxury of the queen treatment for a day.

This weekend I witnessed these two women performing their amazing acts of motherhood within the space of 48 hours. On Friday night my young
daughter, 10 months old, had been developing a cough. This isn’t all that new, she’s had a cold for a few days and you come to expect these sorts of noises, especially with a second child. But there was one cough that made my wife sit up straight like a meerkat, turn her adrenaline driven gaze to me and say “something’s wrong”. I hosed down the concern saying that she is just a kid with a cough and that it’ll all be okay, followed by “If you’re really concerned go upstairs and check on her to put your mind at ease”. I didn’t have to say that because my wife was already sprinting up the stairs to find my daughter gasping for air and struggling to breathe.

I called the ambulance, she calmed the baby. Then I went out to the street looking to catch the attention of the ambulance.

Standing on the street in the cold darkness, feeling my pulse throbbing in my neck and shivering with panic and fear, my mind turned to the amazing response of my wife. It was automatic, instinctive, primal and intense.
Somewhat more surprising, however, was the arrival of my mother-in-law. Let’s get this straight, this is not your usual nagging, interfering, nobody-is-good-enough-for-my-daughter type of mother-in-law, this woman is fun, lively and has accepted me into her family with open arms. But this doesn’t explain how she arrived at my house quicker than the ambulance (which eventually arrived in the space of 12 minutes.) I didn’t think much of it at the time, I was surprised but so glad to see her, I ushered her inside and waited for the ambulance.

My daughter recovered well. It was a case of croup, which needed urgent attention but is now completely healed. But something was chewing away in the back of my mind. How did my mother-in-law arrive quicker than the amblunace? The answer? She felt something was wrong. She didn’t make a call, she just ran to her car and drove across town before we had even called the ambulance.

A premonition? Intuition? Telepathy? I can’t explain it, but it is an amazing mother/daughter/grandmother bond that was on display and it has me stunned. It’s eerie to think about, even to this day I get a little overcome just thinking about it because it is amazing.
These magical people deserve a day of tribute.

One day a year, perhaps two if you really go to town for birthday celebrations. Why are there so many miserable people out there that hate Mothers’ Day? (and by extension, Fathers’ Day, Valentine’s Day and any other celebration that doesn’t have religious roots.)
The complaints come in a few common forms:

1. It’s just a day created by marketers to sell cards and gifts.
This isn’t true. Marketers didn’t create Mothers and they didn’t create the idea of honouring mothers and motherhood. The notion has been around since ancient times. Perhaps it is the commercialisation of the day that people don’t like? In fact I’m sure this is it, but this really shouldn’t stop you enjoying Mother’s Day or from giving your mum something she loves. If you’re not a materialist or a consumerist, commit an act of kindness! Our society is full of needless consumption. Household appliance sales go through the roof for Mother’s Day (because nothing says “I love you” like a brand new washing machine), and yes, so too the sales of greeting cards. The idea of Mother’s Day is great, if you don’t like commercialisation don’t buy into it, but please don’t look down on people for trying to express gratitude because THAT is obscene.

2. You shouldn’t wait until Morthers’ Day to pay tribute to your mother.
This is a fair comment, but it’s also rather stupid. Everyone is grateful for the great work done by their mothers. We literally wouldn’t be here without them, but the truth of life is that if someone gives you unrelenting support/help/service/love, etc then eventually you will take it as ‘normal’ rather than amazing, and in effect take it for granted. So even for those who do their best to try and make life easy for mothers, those who hold their hands during labour, those who do their share of the housework so it doesn’t fall back onto superwoman will take the great things for granted. A dedicated day to saying thanks makes everyone sit back and take stock of how lucky they are.
So if you put up a resistence to Mothers’ Day this year I hope you reconsider for next year. Mothers are great, they need to be told and in my mind Mother’s day should be a national holiday.

I’ll leave you with this strange clip – my mother, I’ll always love her……

Pester Power

Marketers are an evil breed.

Have you noticed how they position children’s toys at a child’s eye level in the supermarket? Of course you have! Have you ever noticed that everything from toothpaste to toe nail clippers have cartoon characters on them? Of course you have! The idea of pester power-  getting kids to nag at their parents until the sheer weight of noise breaks them down into purchasing some needless piece of crap just to shut them up – is not new.

Those evil marketers – they know exactly what they’re doing.

But did they ever think the opposite would happen?

It was only yesterday that I found myself taking my three year old to the supermarket. It was supposed to be a quick trip, and I prayed that it was going to be a painless one. All I needed was some milk and cheese. It really shouldn’t be too much to ask. So here I am, literally running through the supermarket, carry my three year old (who has moved into the bantam weight division) with the aim of moving so quickly that his young eyes can’t keep up with the hundreds of brands whizzing past his face. And it worked! Until I had to put him down to collect the milk and cheese. As soon as I put him down to the ground he yelled “DAD! Look at this! Thomas! Thomas pyjamas!”

"Oh shit", I thought to myself.

So I went over there, indulged the discovery of the young man and said “wow, that’s great! Now let’s go”. And to my surprise he said “okay.”

What!?
No argument? No fight? No tears, or screaming or tantrums? I felt cheated! How dare he do this to me!

“Jake – you know what? You’ve been a really good boy, do you want these Thomas pyjamas?”

“Nope” he said.

WHAT!?
This isn’t how it is supposed to work! I’m offering a gift here! I’m trying to buy some affection! I’m trying to put down a deposit on some good behaviour for the rest of the day!

“Come on! Take the pyjamas!”
“I don’t need them, dad”. he said, completely content with life.

I couldn’t believe my ears. Don’t get me wrong, it was great that he wasn’t cheated by those marketing scumbags into wanting something just because it had his favourite moody little blue train on it, but this simply wasn’t fair! I was looking for a payoff here, and my son was taking that chance away from me.

“Alright, we’ll get the pyjamas”

It is a cardinal sin of any marketer to fall victim to cheap marketing tactics, yet I had actually pestered my own son for the chance to buy something he didn’t really need for the sake of some enjoyment that he wasn’t even showing any interest in! I hang my head in shame.

For those interested – here is a remix of my two favourite childhood

Who is Lex Garey?

When I look around at the sorry state of the world in all its impoverished misery I sometimes find myself scratching my head and wondering which cause I should get behind and where I can really make an impact.


The sad part is that no individual can make an impact – it is the collective work of thousands of people that makes a difference. This is sad and I feel bad for these guys. As much as we all want to help and would prefer that people didn't have to suffer, there is an element within us all that likes to have direct influence and be able to see that.


Then I came across Lex Garey.


Who is he?

This is a young guy who likes to write. The topic of choice is connectivity – the ways in which humans manage to connect and intertwine their lives. He is intensely interested in how people manage to have deep and meaningful connectinos in seemingly innoucuous interactions. Very interesting material and he appears to be a really interesting writer.


More interesting, however, is the fact I came across his mission to get to Australia and immediately wanted to contribute. (Check it out) The interesting part for me is that I saw this and immediately wanted to help. Sure, I know that there are 1000 charities that are available to donate to, and they're only a small or two click away, but here I am hearing about a guy who has been giving a chance to come to Australia and experience the amazing thing that is a creative forum.


All he needs to do is raise $2,000.


I've thrown in $50 towards this. It's a mere 2.5% of the overall but it'll help. The concerning thing for me is that starving children etc are clearly in greater need for help than Lex – yet I want to help Lex much more. He isn't being forceful, he is simply putting out the message "I need to raise some cash to get to Australia – want to help?". Part of the appeal is that there is an endpoint. $2000 is attainable, whereas curing world hunger and poverty seems insurmountable.


Orphan Marketing is very much committed to helping people get out there and build careers. But the Orphan Marketing brand is simply an extension of my values and what I want to do. To contribute to this guy having the trip of a lifetime is a real buzz for me. More to the point, I just love how ridiculous it is! Out of nowhere some people from The Hub in Melbourne have decided to get together to bring this guy across. It's strange and amazing. It's just strange enough to want to be a part of.


Good luck to you Lex – hope you make it!



While you're here - follow Lex on Twitter @lex_garey

A Week in the life of the Orphan Marketer

The time for a revamp is here. I woke up and looked at myself in the mirror this morning– a frightful sight at the best of times but today was particularly bad. Sometimes I get depressed and when I wake up in that state it's like being at a night club when they turn the lights on to tell everyone to go home – it's an ugly sight.

"I have to drag myself out of this" I thought to myself.

To that end I've made the decision to turn a few things upside down, to make life a little more interesting, and of course, to document it along the way. Each week I'll post a blog that discusses four episodes of strangeness, personal encounters (good and bad) and also my obsessions: the worlds of psychology and marketing. This blog will now dig deeper than single marketing case studies or quick tips on how to present yourself – from now I'll be looking into the motivations, wants, urges, demands and spending habits in many fields. This week I look at some big issues: sex, religion, cars and iphone apps. I really wish I could think of an app that combined sex, religion and cars as I think the market potential would be enormous, but as it stands, these are three separate episodes of my life from this week.

 

Week 1, Episode 1: I can't be bothered having sex

Given the preamble written above you would most likely think this heading refers to me. It doesn't. My libido is unhealthy, but at the other end of the spectrum, and that's a story for another day. Today's story discusses the strange reality that a very long standing friend of mine can't be bothered having sex.

My friend is male, 28 years old, works full time as an orderly in a hospital, lives at home with his mother (parents divorced and has issues with his dad), part time graffiti artist. For the sake of this blog I'll refer to him as Dan, because that's his name. That little snapshot sums up the guy in the way most of us describe ourselves: our work and our hobbies. Sitting around at a bar a few nights ago I asked Dan how his love life is. As a direct consequence of his extreme lack of self-confidence and poor people skills the answer to this inquiry is usually "You know me man, I'm just too picky, although it's getting tough because I haven't had sex in like 6 months, it's tough."

But on this night Dan's answer was different. It turns out Dan had a great encounter and an ongoing relationship with an insatiable nurse. Although her sexual appetite is what he spoke about mostly it emerged through the conversation that this girl was crazy about him! Too early to call it love, I mean it's a casual affair but that's how all great loves begin, right? I was surprised, but happy for my friend. I'm guessing my excitement showed a little too much because he started to look a bit uncomfortable. "It's not as good as you think man, I just can't keep up. She wants to have sex two or three or four times in a row – I don't know if I can be bothered."

Wow.

Here is a guy that always complains about not having any sexual activity in his life, about girls not liking him, about having standards that are too high for an overweight guy that drinks and smokes too much and here he is, luck has delivered him a girl with a crazy sex drive and a deep infatuation with him. And he doesn't want it!

This confused me. It didn't make any sense at all. Sex is great fun, perhaps the most fun activity I can think of. Most people are either thinking about sex, or having sex most of the time. But this guy just doesn't have the appetite. He has an appetite, which shows in his complaints of not having sex when the well runs dry, but it appears to be more of a maintenance thing to him, just an activity to keep the tension down occasionally. It occurred to me that perhaps I'm in the minority, that even within my group of friends my thoughts and opinions around sex are different. I'm a reasonable guy and I can allow for this possibility, so I asked myself that if sex isn't at the top of his list of great things to do, what is?

"To be honest man, I just want to kick back with my friends, drink beer and get stoned"

And there it is. The declared preference of my friend is to lightly fry his brain in low grade toxins. He was destroying his brain bit by bit in preference to the rampant, primal, pleasurable, animal act of sexual intercourse. This was amazingly disappointing to me. I can understand that people can have a different set of likes and dislikes to me, but this is a clear sign that I'm losing a friend. Sure, we will still catch up regularly but the gregarious, funny, witty, sometimes charming, sometimes stupid friend that I grew up with is now, officially, a diminished version of himself.

The core of what we are is expressed in what we like and what we don't like. Everything else can come and go. "We are what we repeatedly do" says Aristotle, but he's thinking like a behaviourist. We are what we repeatedly want. This is why recovering alcoholics still refer to themselves as alcoholics.

The problem as I see it is that Dan doesn't actually want to sit with friends drinking and smoking all day, it's just that it is far easier than doing the really rewarding things in life. Exercise is the classic example. Eating a hamburger is a great feeling. The endorphin hit after exercise is a great feeling. To achieve the former you need $8.50 and to get off the couch for 10 minutes. To exercise you need to get up and run around at high speed for half an hour. The hamburger hit is the easy option, but ultimately the exercise is a better hit. Not only does it make you feel physically great, like a hamburger does, but it increases your view of yourself. You see yourself as slightly less lazy, on an improved health curve, etc. You don't get that with hamburgers, and you don't get that with being drunk and stoned all the time.

I need to get Dan to put the burgers away. Life can be so much better.

Epidosde two: All Human Societies have Religions

Do you ever take the time to read through publications that you hate just to get the opposing side? I do. It means that I can argue my point of view, explain myself clearly and make sure my opinion really is my opinion. For this reason I read The Economist. A recent article caught my attention. More specifically, a line in this article caught my attention "Religious types, noting the ubiquity (though not everyone is religious, all human societies have religions), argue that this proves religion is a real reflection of the underlying nature of things."

I grew up as a Catholic. For some reason my mother (now deceased) thought it extremely important to send me to a Catholic school. It was also very important for her that I went to an all-boy high school, apparently to make sure I wasn't distracted from my studies. Little did she know, unless she was watching from beyond the grave, that school became the distraction from girls. Merging the two would have at least kept me in class, but then, how would I have developed my sharp skills of negotiation and deception of authority figures? Thanks mum.

So I understand the culture of Religion. Morality is a great thing to teach children, it's essential. And as much as I hate rituals and the dark solemnity of hymns and eating blessed bread as a proxy for body parts of a man (demi-God?) now 2000 years dead, I can see that it is very helpful for a society to have a collective understanding of right and wrong.

But do we need religion for this?

My opinion is that we do not. The article in The Economist discusses that almost universal Religious notion of punishment for wrong doings, and what that overhanging dread does to a civilization and an individual. There are some interesting points but what I really want to know is what will happen in the absence of religion?

Religion forms a tricky little triangle with morality and law. The law of a country is supposed to represent and reflect the morality of its people, with an accompanying responsibility to protect those people. For example, the community as a whole clearly does not find marijuana use an abhorrent act. It is everywhere, yet it remains illegal on the basis of protecting people from themselves and preventing a build-up of unregulated industries. So where does religion fit? Religion has always driven the morality side. The Ten Commandments are as clear instructions as anyone could hope to receive. Interestingly, murder has been legislated against but coveting a neighbour is a driving force of the new capitalist economy. Imagine if the opposite were true, and we were free to kill and murder, according to law, but were thrown in jail if it could be proven that we were harbouring jealous thoughts of the guy next door with the attractive wife, swimming pool and fancy car.

It is often heard that we are becoming a secular society. This is true, religion definitely lacks the popularity it used to have (at least in this country!) But a deeper truth is that society is exercising its right to choose more than ever.

When I was growing up, twenty years ago, I knew that other Religions existed but they were weird and foreign and were thought to be something I would never encounter. It was all about Christianity. (Although there was this strange division between Catholics and other Christians that I thought was crazy, and still do.) The progression of life was that if your parents followed a religion, then you would too.

Then people realised they had a choice.

When I realised that nobody could force me to go to church I had the best day of my life. Sunday morning ALL TO MYSELF! It was an amazing, liberating feeling and I thought to myself, at the ripe age of ten years old, if church is such a good thing for me why is it such a chore? There was no joy for me listening to a priest rant from ancient texts, listening to a lot of old people try and sing and sound like some possessed mass of freaks that had long ago forgotten the meanings of their words but sang them to the best of their ability nonetheless.

At the risk of appearing glib, religion is now like car ownership. In Australia, back in the 1980s there were two real choices: Holden or Ford. Similar to the Catholic/Protestant distinction in Christian circles. Other options existed but they were for weird people and foreigners. Now, so many forms of religion, and personal spirituality, exist and people see that they can choose. And the most important choice of all is the choice to join or walk away.

This forces religion to provide pay offs. It used to provide people a moral umbrella and the comfort of knowing if they went to church this week their chances of going to heaven and having a pleasant after life were ever so slightly higher. Additionally, there was less chance of bad things happening to them. The cynical new age of people finds this hovering punishment to be a really poor motivator. We are a very impatient generation and we don't want to wait to receive the goods. The church simply won't get any traffic through their doors if their big payoff is going to be delivered after you die!

The Hillsong phenomenon is sweeping Australia and getting a lot of people to join. This is great. I don't agree with the institution of religion, there are far too many questions that remain unanswered, but the most important thing is that Hillsong makes people feel good! They get up there and sing their hearts out. The Sister-Act style choirs that I've seen in so many movies make me think "I can see how that would be fun!" This is what the church needs. You can send the same messages of morality and punishment – BUT LEARN HOW TO PROMOTE IT!

Episode three: without wheels

I made a big decision based on logic. I sold my car. I'm not a car person and I never thought I was particularly attached to my car. It was a Subaru Impreza, base model. All in all, it was a very comfortable car and in great condition. The sound system was okay, it wasn't overly powerful, it didn't turn heads or have sex appeal and I hadn't really been through any life-changing experiences with it.

But I miss that car!

In the logical part of my mind the decision was clear. I was rarely driving this sandy coloured machine. Now that work from home my wife and I can share a car. I'd prefer not to pay for insurance and maintenance for a car that just sits there five days a week. The extra cash is really handy. Even as I type this I'm doing so on a laptop that was paid with the money received from that car. Fantastic!

But I really miss that car!

And I now realise what I miss, and it isn't the ability to get to places – I can still do that in the car that my wife and I share. The thing I miss is that personalised little sanctuary. I can't explain to you the sheer pleasure I felt driving around with my music playing far too loud, with the windows down and singing at the top of my lungs. That, my dear readers, is a beautiful freedom that I miss.

It was sad to sell the car. The guy who bought it off me offered to give me the $19,000 in cold hard cash. Whilst that pile of dollars would have been an impressive sight, I opted for a bank cheque.

But it's an expensive freedom. Insurance, servicing and petrol cost approximately $3,000 a year. What a deal – a cash injection and I've saved myself$3,000 a year! It was an exciting deal, it was a quick deal and it was a satisfying deal. Economically speaking the decision is a great one, as long as the money I've got is going towards something just as pleasurable. It's very good to have the big weight of tertiary education debt off my back, but the removal of that burden seems to pale in comparison to that feeling!

If I can give an easy piece of advice to everyone it would be to fill your world with the music you love. It will give you energy and inspiration. We are the sum of our likes and dislikes, and music is a great form of personal expression. I enjoy my music in an isolated bubble, others might prefer it jumping around in a sea of people. Enjoy it your way, but make sure you enjoy it!

It is clear that I don't need a car for transportation. My ability to get around has not been hindered in the slightest, but the whole process has forced me to look closely at what I really enjoy – and it wasn't the car, it was the buzz of the music.

Now I really don't miss that car!

Episode Four: Build me an iPhone App

It is a great pleasure of mine that I work with entrepreneurs. In stark contrast to corporate life, these people are amazing to work with. Firstly, you get to know an entrepreneur very quickly. They wear their personalities on their sleeves. They have confidence and are generally excited people. The advantage of this is that you can find out very quickly if you're a personality match, and if you are – things happen very quickly!

Four of us were sitting around discussing the various business activiites of these three great minds. These three people made the majority of their cash twenty years ago and now tend to work out of habit and pleasure than out of necessity. To this end I get a lot of questions thrown my way about 'young stuff'. One such topic is iPhone applications.

Two psychologists, a techie and me, in a room. Six, eager eyes pointed at me wanting my opinion. Unfortunately I have absolutely zero experience in designing and creating iPhone applications! Sure, I'm a user and I've got 30 or so apps on my phone, but that doesn't make me an expert!

But that is where my view on life is very different to that of an entrepreneur.

There I was explaining the limitations of my experience and skillset, trying to make sure I wasn't presenting any false expectations. This didn't matter to my small audience. Roadblocks are not roadblocks to this group of people – they're mere inconveniences that we will get through. Don't know how to build an iPhone App? That's okay, we'll learn how!

That happened four short months ago. We are now a week away from publishing Rate-Me on the AppStore. It has been one of the steepest learning curves of my professional life. When I sat down to Christmas dinner in December last year I had no idea how to put all this together. Four weeks along and I've designed, developed, built and published an iPhone App.

The lesson in all of this?

1. Download the Rate-Me App as soon as you can!
   
2. Surround yourself with people that DO. There are countless people that will say "it's too hard" or "it will take too long" or "I can't do that". Let these people dwell in the land of limitations, if you want to get things done, find people who are willing to roll up their sleeves and do it!
   

What Brand are YOU?

This world has a very negative view of people who try to influence others. Salesmen are amongst the most negatively referred to groups in our society, right next to thieves and parking attendants. But the truth is that we are all trying to influence other people all of the time. Right now I'm trying to influence you into agreeing with what I'm saying. Funnily enough, you're probably now trying to convince yourself that you won't be influenced, but please, read on, it'll be worth it.

So whilst we are all being influenced constantly, from all directions, and also trying to influence the world in every other direction, you can see that there is a massive amount of tension building up in our little societies. It really is amazing the amount of duress humans put themselves under for the sake of….well…..for no good reason at all! Let's take a second to look at how you interact with the world. What is the image you project?

Difference between perceptions and reality

Most people consider themselves more intelligent than most others. Obviously this is logically flawed, we are not all of superior intelligence. It simply isn't possible! Likewise we are not all the best at our jobs, or the best drivers, or the best looking, or the fittest, or the funniest. There must be an advantage to this type of delusion – it's immensely widespread. Oh that's it! It makes us feel better! And once again we come to the ultimate truth of all marketing – it's all about feeling good. The effects of cognitive dissonance (a tendency to change your thoughts/attitudes to justify and continue existing behaviour) and the love of comfort zones mean that we all have this tendency to view ourselves as superior. Viewing ourselves as superior, despite it not necessarily being the case, is much easier actually being superior – which takes effort and leaves us open to criticism.
(Note – issues such as body dysmorphic disorder and other perceptual psychological illnesses are examples of the brain perverting these protective systems. My discussion ignores these relatively rare conditions)

Problems exist when we want to achieve something, or are expecting results based on our perceptions of ourselves and they don't happen. If you consider yourself particularly good looking and charming yet every woman you approach looks the other way then there is an urgent need to change your view of yourself as charming. Likewise, in the workplace you might consider yourself a hard working, industrious type – but if everyone else thinks yu're slacking off all the time then something has to change. Take a minute to think about how you are viewed by others –potential customers, co-workers and the general public. If you want positive, warm interactions then you need a bit of an understanding of how people like to be treated.

Clothes maketh the man? Blond hair and big breasts? What is all this?

Image and personal presentation are the first things that people experience when they encounter you (although the online world is changing this!). But people often make the basic error of thinking that clothes make the man. They don't. Clothes help, but at the end of the day it's wrapping paper and if the person inside is bland then the encounter may be pleasant, but forgettable. It's also important to remember that dressing 'well' usually means conforming to a certain standard or look. Conformance is easy to forget. Again, you need to be impressive in how you interact with people. Branding yourself as well dressed can be a good thing, but if you think it will make the difference between getting a job, or a sale, or a sponsorship you are completely missing the point.

Nothing catches a man's eye more successfully than a tall blond with tanned skin and big breasts. I really detest this as a fact of life, but it's true. It makes men seem so shallow and downright stupid. Next time you see a blond with tanned skin and big breasts, take your eyes off her for a second and look at the people around her. Every single man in the vicinity will have his eyes follow her. It doesn't even matter if she has a particularly unattractive face, guys will look, smirk and smile. This 'brand' of woman is presenting a headline. An obvious visual statement that for some, perhaps biological reason, is guaranteed to get noticed. Like the man in the sharp suit (who is decidedly more common than the tall blond female and therefore less head-turning) it is an introduction. But as every good marketer knows – grabbing attention is easy, keeping people's attention is where the skill comes in.

How do you sell yourself? Who is your target market?

This is the important one. What is it that you want from people? Do you want them to leave you alone? Fine, be rude and closed off. Refuse to smile and keep conversation to a bare minimum. This won't get you very far if you are looking to influence people, but it's a way of choosing what you want. Do you want to be remembered? Then you need to stand out. The great part about this is that society is getting ruder and more impatient. The reason it is great is because it's easier to stand out just for being friendly and interested in someone. Beyond the roles, costumes, facades and moods of all us lies an individual – a social being that would prefer stimulating entertaining conversation to mundane repetition. The extension of this is that nobody can resist warming up to people who show an interest in them.

Are you true to your brand?

Are you trying to be a hard-hitting confrontation-loving manager? Does it really suit you? Do you find yourself constantly trying to keep up with how everyone else within the organisation acts and behaves? Then there's big chance that you're either miserable, in the wrong organisation or both. We all cling to our jobs to the point of doing just about anything to keep them, forgetting that this big wide world has infinite possibilities and options. I can tell you now that you will be infinitely more successful in life – whether you measure success in happiness, promotions or money, if you are true to yourself. Nobody trusts a company that presents as being great that delivers nothing. Likewise nobody will trust you if you are trying to convey images of competence or fitting in when you're out of your depth. Sometimes it's a lot better to work with what you have, instead of trying to grab onto everything that you don't.

I found this out a difficult way. I had always followed in the footsteps of my grandfather: a conservative, serious, old-school business type. He spent 50 years with the same company and has set himself up immensely well in his retirement. I congratulate him, but it took me until 18 months ago to realise that I'm not built this way. I had been working my backside off in his organisation, getting great results but not ever really being accepted by the people within the company. They were all guys that had come off the tools and into the office. I was a university graduate with no real knowledge of what it was like to be on a worksite and slave away with 50 hours of manual labour a week. So I got out of there and I've never looked back. Instead of fighting against the tide every day I'm embracing the change and loving every minute.

The other common mistake that people make is being too contained! If you sit there thinking things that you don't say out loud then people aren't seeing you for everything that you are! You are completely misrepresenting yourself! I see this as the most common and horrendous self-crime there is. By all means filter what you say in order for it to be compliant with your surroundings, but make sure you express yourself! You would be amazed how many of those thoughts and comments that you think are offensive are actually perfect ice-breakers. I had a business meeting with a client last week. The man was underdressed and looked embarrassed. The first thing I said to him was "Thank God one of us dressed appropriately! It's far too hot for a shirt and tie!" and I ripped off my tie. You could literally see the discomfort disappear from him.

Now be whatever you want to be – anything less is a lie.

We’ll Match ANY Advertised Price

Price is probably the most poorly understood element of the traditional marketing mix – but the "match any price" campaigns that have been run by Dan Murphy's Liquor and Bunnings Warehouse, to name just two, shows that these guys understand it. Bunnings, and I believe their close relative Officeworks, used to offer to beat any advertised price by 5-10%. This is no longer the case – these guys compete by offering the same price.
It's not a very nice thing to do. As these companies tend to be the biggest in their respective fields, they are essentially blocking the opposition from making any short term gains or impact by have price promotions. It is quite a cunning plan – let the little guys try to undercut you on price, watch them spend a huge bucket of money on advertising and spreading the word – then cash in by offering the same price. It appears to be the business place equivalent of pushing in front of cutting in front of a bus cutting in front of a long line of traffic. It's a whole new level of exploiting economies of scale and it is extremely effective.
Why do customers go for this?
It seems a little strange doesn't it? Someone sees a catalogue in their letterbox, sees an extremely cheap price for something they like and think "Wow! I'm going to take this to a shop that charges a higher price! They can have my money, not the guy who has taken the time to actually give me such a nice offer". And here's the little psychological twist: people get a lot of satisfaction out of discovering a deal. They get even more satisfaction from presenting this deal to people. When that deal is presented to a company that should be big enough to offer such a great deal then the pleasure payoff is massive.
There is also the fact that the larger retailers have a much broader product range. So whilst you can get this special deal you can also breeze through the shelves and know that anything else that takes your fancy will also be available. This is an undeniable appeal but I don't believe it is the driving force of this little marketing game.
I've often said that if you get stuck competing on price it means that you're not different enough. The interesting thing about this price matching strategy is that the large retailers aren't actually competing on price – they are eliminating price from the competitive landscape. An elegant, effective move.
It all comes a little unstuck
The dreaded asterisk has suddenly come into play! On account of being a national retailer, Dan Murphy's Liquor has come into a little bit of strife. The prices they charge in country towns are higher due to the freight costs involved in getting the products on the country shelves. All of a sudden "any advertised price" can cut into their profits. The conditions, which appear on their website, include: "Competitors' premises must be within 10km of our store". There's a lesson there in being very careful about what you promise.


What do you do if you are a little guy?
It's a tough world, and when big companies are more interested in destroying your profitability than buying you out then you need to avoid the practice of competing on price alone. Sure offer a special price deal – but make it on privately branded product, or in conjunction with an event "half priced wine for attendees to our special wine tasting event". And most of all – make sure your service is better than the big boys – it's all too common for the big retail brands to get fat and lazy when their scope widens and they forget to smile at those that hand over the cash.

Some great EASY marketing that you can do RIGHT NOW

Ever been a little unsure of your marketing efforts? Not knowing if you are really pursuing the right options. Thinking about how you should be focuses on an ROI and making decisions of the various options?

Well not everyone is in a position to do so.
What about market research? Scientific, well conducted research is a beautiful and rare thing. But I'm not talking about that, it's expensive and demanding.
It's this easy:

1. Select 5 existing customers.
   I hope you have five customers. If not, no problem just proceed to step two. It is best if these five customers aren't competitors, or territorial, or secretive. But even if they are it doesn't really matter. Find five people who already use your product. It doesn't matter if they are satisfied customers, or ex-customers, they just have to be people who have at one point in time bought your product.
    
2. Select 5 people who aren't customers.
   Preferably they are people that you wish were buying your product, but aren't.
    
3. Select an event or restaurant that you think these people would want to go to.
   This could be a BBQ cookup out the back of your shop, or fine dining, or a football match. It could be anything but it definitely has to be something that your customers would really like.
    
4. Buy 11 tickets, write 10 invites.
   This is the tricky part. Tricky for two reasons: 1) it costs money and 2) you need a little bit of skill here. Most recipients of such invites will be suspicious that you're trying to make them buy more. That's an indirect goal but you're looking at the bigger picture here. You need to word it in a way that says "I WANT TO KNOW ABOUT YOU".
    
5. Attend the Event, have fun and get to know some people!
   Even if you spend $100 per person this is a great event, but you need to keep your eye on the purpose. What is that purpose? It's a fact finding mission. Find out why (or why not) these people buy your product. Ask them if they are getting a better offer elsewhere, find out how they spend their time and what makes them tick.
    
6. Don't let them see the hunger in your eyes
   This is the most important point. And it needs to be repeated for emphasis. If these people get the sense that you're trying to sell to them you have lost the game. They will close up and stop giving you want you need, and the whole exercise will be a waste of time.

Please don't leave this up to your salesmen. Good salesmen are great relationship builders, poor salesmen are pushy and irritating. This event needs to be about understanding a range of complaints, problems and issues. Having all of these people in the same place means you can quickly see what problems are shared (and therefore definitely need addressing) and which might just be unique to a subset of customers. This is a marketing exercise because it is about understanding the market better. Change the number of invitees based on your time, budget and capability.

I laid out this plan to a friend recently who was struggling to get her café up and running. It was in the middle of a busy café strip in which every single shop was full except hers. She couldn't understand it and neither could I. One afternoon she had a closed session such as the one I'm describing. Obviously there was free coffee for everyone on arrival but when the food was brought out hardly a nibble was had by the existing customers. The 'hopeful' customers were trying and turning up their nose. The session revealed the following:

• Her food was a big turn off, putting her at a disadvantage to all other cafes.
• Her lower priced coffee (intended to bring more customers) made people think she was using low-grade coffee beans
• The music she played drove people away
• The fish tank near the front window needed a good clean.

She's addressed most of these issues and all of a sudden things are starting to turn around. It cost her $300 and her daily turnover has tripled and is continuing to go up. Amazing how simple it can be! The skill comes from keeping it informal and personal. Whatever you do, do NOT use the term FOCUS GROUP!

What does a retailer do?

Are you in retail? Get out now!
It can be a very harsh world at times. The retail world has always been massively competitive and difficult. The profit margins in retail are extremely modest compared to some professional services and manufacturing indutsries. Now, the massive force of globalisation (which was the goose for major retailers for the last 20-25 years) is now chewing away their profits and moving the game into territory where these dinosaurs are looking at the big comet falling from the sky. Retailers are struggling to add any real value to customer experience, and when they do they tend to get exploited.
Current situation

• Customers have access to more information and more purchasing channels.
  It wasn't so long ago that you would walk into a major retailer and be fairly sure that the price being presented was just about the best you could get. And even if you went to the trouble of comparing you would be wasting your time as the big boys had all the good deals. Even if you were savvy enough to look on the internet you would be faced with long waits and expensive shipping. Manufacturers weren't very well equipped to distribute to individuals and actively avoided cutting their distributors out of the supply chain.
  
  Now websites are popping up all over that do all the price comparisons for you. The television you buy in your own country or abroad is the same product, the only difference is the price – so why not go for the cheapest! Even if there is a wait involved due to shipping the massive (50-80%) price differential quickly eases the pain of waiting.
  
• Customers are exploiting retailers
  This is the scary one for retailers. They get the customers into the shop, they do the sales pitch, the customer actually wants the product! But they go and buy it from somewhere. This is absolutely heartbreaking. Great service, value adding service, going unrewarded.
  
• Retailers are giving less to customers
  Having said that, many retailers are actually providing poorer service than in previous years. Product faults, complaints and enquiries are often being transferred directly to the manufacturer. Furniture retailers are trying to reduce stock holdings so will wait until they have orders for a full container load before importing the goods, meaning one main advantage of buying locally is removed: there is now a 6-8 week on your new couch! This reduces the retailer to nothing more than an order taking centre. Why would a customer want to pay a higher price for the same product, with a long wait?
  Floor staff at most retailers are young, inexperienced and poorly paid. Many companies have moved away from career plans and cut costs in training and education. The younger generation is also fairly well known for not lacking loyalty to their employees. This little combination of events has led to a severe drop in the service given to customers. In other words a poor or negative customer experience.
• Taking a margin, exploiting economies of scale
  Most large retailers became large due to exploiting economies of scale. They sourced cheap product from overseas, shipped it across, slapped on a big margin and sold for just under local prices. This was a good deal for customers and they rushed in. Now the good deal exists by going straight to the source. And that is how it all came to this.

What are retailers doing to stem the tide?

• Increasing online presence
  It is probably too late for this, but the retailers are finally beginning to move into cutting edge territory with their websites. Being user friendly, customer focused, including order tracking, etc. are all standard elements of an e-business sites. Some major retailers are even pursuing social media channels to gather feedback and provide customer service to the clientele.
• Commissioning governments over taxs and laws
  This is a white flag move. Approaching governments to reduce taxes that give major retailers a cost disadvantage is a very short term approach that is unlikely to fix the problem: the outdated business model that creates overpriced offerings.
  
• Becoming finance departments
  Debt loyalty is an ugly practice that seems to be falling out of favour these days. For high dollar items, retailers have been offering up to 5 years interest free on financing. The longer the debt is held for the better it is for the ongoing income of the retailer. The customer gets the product immediately without the sting of shelling out all the cash for it. Unfortunately it still needs to be paid for and these individuals are left resenting the chain, even if the individual has handled his/her own finances poorly.
  
• Relying on branding
  With all of this – how is it possible that these retailers are still in business? They are not closing stores and they still receive a lot of traffic. It is simply the power of brands. The impression still exists that these companies are large, reliable, offer superior service, and offer a competitive price. Some are looking to extend their branding. They are asking manufacturers to rebrand products or are simply sourcing products directly, and becoming a manufacturer themselves.

What could they be doing?

• Close the stores!
  Retail as we know it is dead. It is so dead there is very little purpose in trying to rescue it. Shopfronts have to start closing. The rental on floor space and costs of floor staff is entirely prohibitive to competing with online retailers. If you can't beat them, joing them! But do something additional. Service them better. Leverage that existing brand loyalty by surprising the customer.
• Or, increase the service!
  Some things simply can't be bought overseas, or at least they can't be bought easily and advice is one of these. If you sell household goods, why not help the customer choose what suits their home? Offer cooking classes, etc. These are things that a website can't do. It needs local people interacting with local people. It needs to be commercialised, as simple product advice is being exploited by customers as they purchase online. Product installations, or delivery services at times that suit the customer (wouldn't that be nice!). There are many avenues to explore, but they all involve moving away from the brinks and mortar.
  
• DO NOT try to compete on price.
  It is a waste of time. It is a fight that a traditional retailer can't win. It is as simple as that.

It will be fascinating to watch the major retailers across the world. Soon enough one of them will take the plunge into redesigning a business model. Once it happens the others will scramble to follow. If the change is profound enough then e-tailers will also be fighting to follow suit. Meanwhile, the first company to do so (successfully) will sit back, rub their hands together and enjoy the good times.

5 Marketing Mistakes I KNOW You’re Making

1. You think you have a strong brand
   Where do I start with branding? God, everyone talks about it but very few people get it.
   I was talking to a banker who said his bank's brand was one of its biggest strengths. Interesting point when you realise that his bank is ranked 3^rd or 4^th on just about every measure of market share in just about every segment. Smart guy, really smart, but this was a really dumb comment. This banker could not even tell me what made his brand different to the others, apart from the fact it was blue and the other major banks weren't. THIS BRAND IS NOT A STRENGTH – IT IS A WEAKNESS. A prominent brand does not mean a strong brand. It needs to differentiate from the competition and it needs to represent your company properly! If you are directly competing with three other major industry players, and they all have superior market share and your brand does not represent any type of advantage over them, your brand is a weak one.
   
    Boost Juice is one of the best brands I know of. It takes an everyday product (fruit juice) and slaps a brand on it that makes the drink worth more and draws in additional customers that didn't even think of buying fruit juice before they saw people walking around with Boost cups. Boost present themselves as high energy, fit, healthy and young. And you know what? It is a great representation of the company because they hire fit, healthy, young people with great upbeat personalities. The brand is a perfect reflection and is very strong. Compare this to just about any insurance company that claims to make the life easy for you, or the Optus slogan "Joy without Limits" and animals plastered all over the place. If you have ever had to call up Optus, especially if you're trying to bundle more than one service with another, you'll quickly realise there is a very real limit to the available Joy from this company. And the animals are supposed to make it all cool and fun, but with pathetic customer service the animal branding just looks like a gimmick, because it is. Forget your damn animals and give me some service!
   
    
2. You know your own company better than you know your customers and competitors
   That's right, knowing your company better than you know customers and competitors is a fundamental weakness. Most industries are in a state of maturity or increased competition which means the customer has the power of choice and the competition is doing whatever it can to chew you out of the profits you are working towards. Use every single piece of market sensing ability your entire company has to get a feel for what is happening out there.
   
    You need to know your customers, how old they are, what they like to do with their time, why they like your product, why they don't like it, what they eat for lunch, what position they hold in their respective companies, their geographic location, their level of education, what cars they drive, what movies they like, EVERYTHING. This should be a starting point in any marketing plan. You need to get to know the people who make it an industry, the people who demand the products and service..
   
    And the same goes for competitors, you need to know their campaigns, you need to know what they are working on next, what they have worked on, what is happening in their corporate structure, which ad agencies they use, which business functions are outsourced, how they employ their staff (they might be trying to take people from your company!) and most importantly: the customer experience that they provide. All of this information is fundamentally important to making good marketing decisions and putting your time and effort towards appropriate activities. People think chess is a strategic game but that is crap because your opponent is making all his moves right in front of your face, it's got nothing on the real world. There is a reason why only the socially retarded excel at this game.
   
    
3. You don't amaze me
   I actually used this line to break-up with a girl once. It wasn't my finest moment, and sure, she was hurt, but what am I supposed to do? Wait for it to improve? Kill time and hope that the experience I want comes along? I wasn't prepared to do that and I can guarantee that your customer aren't either. It is pretty simple, really. If you don't make me say 'wow' then why should I bother with you? Are you actually trying to win my money with your product and your service? Or are you just trying to lure me in with false-hope intro offers that then lead to the same thing that everyone else is providing. Note – the suggestion here isn't that you need to redesign your entire product range. Service is a great divider in an industry. There are not many companies out there that make you sit back and go "wow, that was great service!" Singapore airlines is a standout in this area for me. They do have superior planes as well but the service they provide has always made me sit back and say "wow, why would I even bother with anyone else?".
   
    
4. You Don't Really Know Why You are Doing it
   It used to be all about getting a website. Everyone was in a mad rush to put one up, but nobody really thought about what a website was for. The same thing is now happening with social media, iPhone apps and no doubt there will be another wave of crap that everyone else jumps onto. The reality is that these forms of communication represent a new product. Some do it well, some don't, but you always need to know WHY you're doing it! If the answer is any of the following:

• Our competitor is doing it
• We've always done it that way
• The boss said we need one so let's get to it

Then you're being pathetic. If ALL of your competitors are doing it and it is costing you customers,then that is a good reason. If you've always done it that way and you can show that it helps retain customers or get new ones, then that is a good reason. If you don't have the balls to question the boss or at least understand his/her motives then your career has just about peaked. The great advances in websites were the following: the ability to order online, the ability to gather useful market information, the ability to communicate regularly with customers. Note, advertising revenue is NOT a great advancement of websites. It was the online application of an offline practice and it has never been done well.

iPhone apps are still a very new thing and nobody seems to know what to make of it. They are basically text dumps or GPS units, or a combination of the two at the moment. Oh yeah, and the games, let's not forget those. Dominos Pizza led the pack in terms of creating an app in which you can order pizza and have it delivered. They did it to increase convenience for their customers. They could have just "made an app" which was a list of pizzas and toppings. They could have made a game where you've got limited time to make pizzas before angry customers die of hunger, but they actually did something useful which had a strong purpose. See the difference!!! To see what I'm talking about get a load of the Save the Children iPhone app. Keep in mind that Save the Children is a non-profit that aims to increase awareness of human (children's)rights and raise cash. This app is a cheap gimmick that does neither, and anyone who has downloaded it has most likely deleted it or forgotten about it by now. The same mindset is required for product development, service offerings, trade shows (do you REALLY think they help?), advertising campaigns, restaffing, outsourcing – YOU NEED TO KNOW WHY YOU ARE DOING IT.

5. You are letting the Marketing department do all the marketing. This is perhaps the biggest mistake. The best thing in the world is momentum. If the marketing department is working against other departments (and most companies have sales and marketing diametrically opposed to each other) then there is a hell of a lot of wasted energy and effort, and where does that get you? Your accounts team, your warehouse guys, your engineers, IT staff, customer service and of course, your sales and marketing teams are all capable of marketing. You don't want everyone trying to be a salesman, that can be embarrassing, so forget about delivering incentives to all corners of the business on the basis of sales. Just make sure everyone is educated on how to treat customers and make sure everyone understands the products and services to a level where they can have a reasonable discussion with a potential customer.

McDonalds Law Suit for Advertising to Kids! Who is right?

Are you lovin' it?

The people of LA aren't.

Correction: a mother that takes her kids to McDonalds once a month is not lovin' it, she's downright mad! (click here for full story in the LA times)
The LA times is reporting that the woman considers the offering of Shrek toys to her kids a form of parental circumvention of her parenting control.

This is a very sensitive issue where marketing and morality (and legality) being to cross swords.
Here in Australia it is illegal to advertise fast food at particular hours, or on particular channels. Why? Because we don't want our children being communicated to by these skilful advertisers! Clearly, in the US this isn't the case.

The parent in this law suit is someone that takes her children to McDonalds once per month, or thereabouts. This is an existing customer that we are talking about that is suing the company for advertising to her children. The problem? The advertising is making her kids want the food more often that what she is willing to give her kids. The problem isn't so much that the toys are provided with the happy meals, it is more the fact that to collect the entire set she would have to go McDonalds much more frequently than she currently does.

The Role and Responsibility of Children:
Children are the consumers. They have influence over the purchase of food but very really do they have the means to buy it themselves. They need a purchasing agent, which usually comes in the form of parents, or a babysitter/uncle/other that has been forced into taking care of the children. Children, by nature of their lack of perspective and cognitive skills (namely cause and effect in a long-term sense) are hedonists. They live for pleasure, and if that food looks to be pleasurably they will ask their parents to have some. They can be skilful and persistent negotiators, and at the peak of their powers they may play the high ace: the public tantrum. There is no more highly influential act upon a parents' behaviour than the public tantrum. It causes huge embarrassment to the parent, and this embarrassment is something parents will go to great lengths to avoid. Children seem to become aware of this at a very young age.
Luckily for the child he or she has no responsibilities. They are kids, and they are learning the ways of the world. They are innocent.  

The Role and Responsibility of Parents:In terms of consumer purchasing models, parents are considered the ultimate buyer. They are the ones that control the money and have final say in how that money is spent. By virtue of the public tantrum, what the neighbours think, the cost of food and the amount of time it takes to care and prepare for meals the purchasing decisions for food are amazingly pressured. Parents have often been known to do or buy things for the sake of relieving pressure. I think every parent has done this at one stage or another, whether it's allowing the children to watch TV all, allowing them to eat chocolate all day (note – chocolate companies are not being sued) or simply letting the little brats jump all over the furniture – there are countless examples of parents giving in to this pressure. The crazy part? These acts of pressure relief usually work in the opposite direction of what the parents think of as right or good parenting. Why? Because, as all marketers should know, emotion influences more (purchasing) decisions that logic does, especially in the consumer space. The parents feel the responsibility to feed their children healthy food, to take them to the part and to spend cash responsibly – but the reality is that this repsobility often gives way to pressure. Personally I don't think this makes large companies like McDonalds immoral, but if this tension is deliberately increased for the benefit of the company's bottom line, there may be an issue.

 The Role and Responsibility of the Company:
In true marketing speak, the company is there to provide profitable value. That is, they need to provide something valuable to the population so that some members of that population will part with a portion of their income in order to obtain it. Most marketers will suggest methods of increasing customer share of wallet, customer lifetime value and customer frequency of purchase. If your product is one that is a 'sometimes' product (e.g. Alcohol, music concerts, unhealthy food, caffeine drinks) you need to be careful. Your product may be fun (hence, value adding) but damaging to your customer if over-consumed (value-taking). A company will always try to increase sales and profitability, but Governments (such as the Australian one) will begin to step in when they see people in their jurisdiction being adversely affected. Even tobacco, the tax cash cow of the last century, is now being regulated in terms of advertising and packaging.
So it is up to companies that sell these products to avoid presenting them as everyday items. What is the alternative? Present them as fun! Present them as cool, present them as a special treat. However, these products should never be presented as unrealistically common. (e.g. Supermodels eating hamburgers and saying to each other "I can't believe we eat this everyday and can still be this thin!)
The alternative is to create new products! McDonalds actually did this with their new Healthy Choices menu. Great! What a great idea! A company with the brand strength of Maccas selling salad as a lunch option! Cynics will say they're only doing it for the money and to save a PR disaster. That is most likely their motive – but I don't see any other fast food chains releasing healthy options.! Well done McDonalds – I hope they begin to rival Subway as the 'healthy' fast food provider. (I said hope, not expect.)

Public health studies are a massive eye-opener in the realm of passive effects.
In this world of increasing selfishness and individuality it seems to be a strange side effect that when things go wrong consumers start to blame companies. But there are certain patterns of health that show areas that have higher densities of fast food have higher rates of obesity (and lower rates of gyms and personal trainers). Until I get my hands on detailed statistics I will refrain from pushing any argument drawn from this, but it is hard to ignore the fact that EVERYTHING influences purchasing decisions. EVERYTHING.

So…..Advertising to kids: right or wrong?
I might get shot down in flames for this – but I think it is absolutely fine to advertise to children. Each company has the right to try and build its sales with audiences to which its products are suited. Each parenting team has gateway control over what their kids consume until the kids re given money to make purchases of their own. Whilst advertising sends a message promoting fast food, parents need to be sending an equivalent message to their children about moderation, or the cons of eating fast food. In a broader sense, governments need to observe the overall health of the population. If obesity rates are up (or other negative health outcomes) then certain influences or access to the cause of obesity need to be regulated and legislated. For this I congratulate the Australian government. And my suggestion to the lady quoted in the LA Times article is to send her protests to the regulatory advertising body, not the individual company of whom she is already a customer.


So what do you think?

Oovie – Good or Bad Marketing?

I feel sorry for the guys at my old Video Ezy store. It was a really nice family business and they went beyond the standard, soulless nerd at the counter laughing at you for not knowing the intricacies of the subplots of Ironman/Batman/Transformers, etc. These guys were great but they were on a sinking ship. Piracy has killed the video rental trade, which is really tragic for my old friends. Not sure where they're headed now, hopefully they've found some other way to earn some cash. That's business.
But enough of that sob story, the fact is they were selling something nobody wanted. To lay it out straight, here is why the DVD industry is doomed:

1. You can get movies FOR FREE on the internet. Very hard to overcome this.
2. You don't have to leave home to get these movies.
3. Downloads aren't usually scratched, or out on hire by other users.
4. You don't get fined (although you are supposed to) for downloading pirated movies.

So these are four really good reasons for people to not bother hiring movies from your local video store – the alternatives are most likely within four clicks of where you are right now. The video rental market is an extremely unattractive market – one you would not enter if your life depended on it. Apart from having no demand, you've got the following costs:

1. Store rental, site costs
2. Disposal/sale of old titles
3. License fees
4. Staff costs

Great. That's eight extremely good reasons to stay away from this market.
But wait!
What's that?
It's an Oovie?
What's an Oovie?
It's a new brand (Owned by Hoyts, the cinema people.) and a very nicely constructed brand I might add.

The new Oovie logo - very nice!

But WHAT does an Oovie Do?
It is the replacement for video stores. It is a vending machine for videos (see pic below). It really is a neat little system – the unit is full of probably 240 or so DVDs (including multiple copies of more popular titles, I presume) and you select one and swipe your credit card. $3 per night.
I hope you're asking yourself the question "why can't you just run off with the video forever after paying for just one night?" The answer is because they have a very clever payment system.

An Oovie Unit

The payment system
They take your credit card details and charge you for the first night (single charge of $3). Then, when you return the video you are charged a second time, an extra three dollars for each additional night you've had the video. The interesting bit is that if you don't return it after 12 days it's yours to keep!
I think it's great because it means people no longer have to decide between hiring or buying the DVD. If it's for the kids then they can watch it a few times, get hooked on it and bang, you've bought it. Otherwise, it might be one that they hate and you can return it instead of paying the full amount. Great!
The reason they can implement a hiring/owning system like this is because the consumer cost of hiring and owning movies is so similar. Compare this to car rental: a car that is valued at $20,000 can be rented for about $80 per day. Under the Oovie rent or keep pricing you would be allowed to keep the car if you failed to return it after 250 days. A very unlikely scenario. So as clever as this little pricing deal is, at this stage I can't think of any other industry that it could be applied to. (Imagine this for consultants! If you clocked up $100k of fees you got to keep the consultant!)

Industry replacement
So Oovie has come along and replaced the dwindling DVD store industry. Almost overnight these vending machines have popped up everywhere. But I just can't tell if it's a good idea. There are approximately 100 of these units in my home town of Melbourne. Let us assume the vending machines cost approximately $5,000 each, then the outlay is half a million dollars.

Doing the sums
From my estimates (no data here, just my view based on how many titles are unavailable each time I go to use one) each unit would receive 12 rentals per day, with an average rental period of 4 days (another total guess).
This would mean daily revenue across the entire city of about $15,000. This really isn't a very exciting figure for an operation of this size. A problem with these vending machines is there is a diminishing demand situation. That is, the more popular the machine is, the less people will actually want to use it because the availability of DVDs goes right down. This is a dilemma for Oovie. Do they simply pump up the number of units? Perhaps, but if each one has a cost associated there may be an issue here. Increase the capacity of these units? That is probably a very expensive option.
The break even on these units would be somewhere in the range of 1000-1800 night's hire. Even in a highly optimistic estimation of demand that is a fairly unappealing prospect. I have not even factored in the cost of refilling the machines, processing payments, advertising etc. Counteracting this, however, is that they may be charging rental to the stores that have the vending machines. There is no doubt that, when placed in a supermarket, additional revenue for that supermarket is achieved. The cash exchange here is near impossible for an outsider to estimate.

A matter of perspective
My entire take on whether this is a good operation or not is really based on who has put it together. Hoyts is a massive organisation. They have developed a new venture with a pretty modest financial outcome. It isn't really a branding exercise because they understate the Hoyts brand in favour of the new Oovie brand.
It could be an attempt to dip the toe in the water of the home consumer market, in which case it does have some merit and final judgement would have to be reserved for when the next step of the plan is revealed.
However, for a large organisation this shows short-sightedness, as it is an investment in technology that is in its final day and the short term cash hit is not lucrative enough to justify the effort that has been put in.
Alternatively – if a friend of mine, an entrepreneur had come up with this idea and a way to earn between $15,000 - $20,000 per day I would offer congratulations. The difference being that this is a significant operation for a small scale operator who most likely thrives on short-term opportunities.

The Verdict
So yes, I appear to be fence sitting but my overall take on this is a thumbs down for Oovie. And make that two thumbs down for their auto-adding of your email address to their mailing list (which you need to provide in order to hire a video.)

Telstra Really Satisfies…..some?

7 out of 10 Australians are satisfied with their mobile phone provider.
More specifically, a recent Roy Morgan poll has shown 71% of Australians are satisfied with their mobile phone company.
Phone companies make up some of Australia's most complained about companies. Telstra has long been our favourite whipping boy. The big promise of privitisation all those years ago was that prices would come down, service would go up and even better, we as private citizens could invest in the company and share the profits..
The government also made the bold move of introducing some competition. SingTel's Optus came in and were supposed to keep Telstra honest, and best of all keep prices down.
This paints a pretty good picture for the consumer, you would think. Enter new players in Vodafone, Virgin (aligned with Optus), 3 and a few others here and there and you've got increased consumer power and hopefully increased satisfaction.
So this poll tells us that the industry average for satisfaction is 71%, with Virgin Mobile right up there at 84%, and the dog that is Telstra down around 65%. Sounds about right?

Source: http://www.roymorgan.com.au/ (please visit this site – it is very informative!)

The thing that amazes me about Telstra is that one third of their customers are unsatisfied. How does a company of that size continue to GROW despite having one third of its customers unsatisfied? Now, I'm assuming that there was survey attached to this that included the service itself (are you satisfied with call quality, range of reception etc) as well as customer service and billing. Even so, this is an amazing statistic. If you spoke to any small business and told them that they would grow year on year on the back of satisfying only two thirds of the people that walked in the door you would be laughed at. And rightly so.
So how the hell does this big beast get away with this?
Whilst I'm really looking forward to the 2011 annual report for some more relevant finance information the fact remains that the graph above shows a company that has a satisfaction score of 61% in June 2010 whilst showing a revenue increase of almost half a billion dollars for that financial year.
To put it in perspective, Vodafone has a class action lawsuit being thrown at it and their overall customer satisfaction score is higher than Telstra's.
Wow.
So what's happening here? Possible explanations:

1. The satisfied customers are spending more. This can happen with increased fees or charges, or increased usage.
2. The customers that are leaving were spending less than the ones the company is gaining.
3. The market is growing in such a way that poor performers with fewer customers are still growing.

The other thing to note about satisfaction is that there is a big tie in to expectation. To put it simply, if you expect something very poor, and receive something good you will be extremely satisfied. Conversely if you expect something amazing and receive something that is merely 'good' then you will be very unsatisfied. The management of expectations is important because customers are a demanding pack and their wants constantly change. The old rule of under-promise and over-deliver is great in theory, but your competitors get all the newcomers if your offering looks meagre compared to theirs. The other problem for an organisation of Telstra's size is that it has the turning circle of a Mack Truck. Smaller organisations are much more adept at turning their organisation around.
The old rule of thumb about a one percent increase in satisfaction can result in a five per cent increase in sales is about to be tested, with Telstra's satisfaction rating going up 5% so far – we should therefore see Telstra hit some huge numbers in June. The reality is more likely to be that Telstra's mobile revenue will increase somewhere in the realm of 5-8%.
However much this telco giant frustrates me, credit is deserved for increasing the satisfaction rate across this period. It is a difficult thing for a company of that size. Well done.

Yes, it’s a Disaster! Part Two

I'm doing some interesting work with charities and NGOs at the moment.

All in all I think the people that work for these organisations are amazing people, usually willing to take a bit of a pay cut compared to the corporate stream in favour of doing meaningful work. This usually shines through in just about every way. Sure, there is the usual office politics and competitiveness, issues with inter-departmental red tape (perhaps more so than profit-oriented organisations) but overall they are full of GOOD PEOPLE that are there to do GOOD THINGS.

So imagine my surprise when I had this conversation with a project manager from a fairly prominent charity yesterday:

ME: So it's been a difficult month, with the Queensland floods and now the Victorian floods, you guys must be flat out trying to work out the best way to get your people around the country.

PROJECT MANAGER: Oh yeah it's been really good! We've had some amazing exposure!

 

I could go on but I'll maintain the professional respect of not naming the charity or giving details that would make it obvious who they are. This line spoke volumes to me – to me it said I was talking to an opportunist that had forgotten what she was there for. It was actually quite sickening to see the broad smile across her face as I thought of the countless reels of news footage I'd seen over the last week of people's homes being destroyed and the pure carnage of many towns and suburbs up north. A charity definitely wants to increase exposure and, by extension the funds that come through on account of this exposure. But EXPOSURE isn't the goal. FUNDRAISING isn't even the goal – these charities need to keep in mind that they are trying to raise money to do great things.

If the focus is on the great things, on the expansion plans, on the real help that these organisations give to real people, then every single encounter (such as the one with me earlier) will come across as sincere and honest.

You always, ALWAYS need to keep in mind what you're trying to achieve, and where you fit into the larger scheme of things.

Trapster Shame

So here I am with this brand new iPhone, a magnificent piece of technology that appears to be nothing more than a glorified games machine? Oh that's right, it has GPS and a web browser, and the ability to store text in the form of calendars, note pads or contact lists.
As we all do when we first become a little inquisitive, we speak to those close to us, and in unanimous applause this app was pointed out to me:

Oh wow! An application that you can have turned on while you're driving, which tells you when you're approaching a speed camera. THAT IS SO COOL! I CAN DRIVE LIKE ABSOLUTE MANIAC AND SLOW DOWN JUST IN TIME TO NOT GET CAUGHT!
Seriously – what is it with people? Great, this app will save people who like to speed a few dollars here and there due to avoiding speeding fines. So what's the problem? They're missing the point! That's what the problem is! Speeding is a dangerous activity. Yes, I know you've done it a thousand times and you're fine and you can tell yourself that if you ever hit someone. Even worse is the fact that this application picks up booze busses. That's right people, if you're too smashed to drive legally, but still sober enough to switch on this app and use it you can get home drunk and still keep your licence – GUARANTEED!
What's that I hear you say? The cops are just revenue raising with all those speed cameras? Well don't speed! If you want to teach those boys in blue a lesson just don't speed! It is just so so easy! There is nothing more pathetic than people who do the wrong thing and then crack it when they get caught. If you have ever known anyone that works in the police force, the CFA or in an emergency ward you'll see that revenue-raising is not the aim here.
This is the worst form of marketing – addressing a disgusting need of people: to avoid rules that actually benefit society overall. Anyone involved in this should be ashamed. This app would have my full support if it had audible speed limit warnings so that you would never accidently drive faster than the limit – that would improve safety, not just help you avoid getting caught.
So yes, there is a need being addressed. Yes, the creators are probably earning a tidy little income off it, but no, this is not the kind of marketing and product development Orphan Marketing condones.

Yes! It’s a Disaster!

The media loves a disaster.

They love it so much that it takes over entire TV networks (all of them) the airwaves, the newspapers, EVERYTHING. Never before have I been able to get such up to date figures of the death toll of whichever large scale disaster.

(This is obviously a shopped pic, that is probably a little unfair on these two as they've been solid, sincere performers).


This general media thirst for trauma makes me sick. The whole "if people didn't watch it they wouldn't show it" crap wears a bit thin with me. But that's my personal gripe. If your aim is to sell newspapers then you're probably quite satisfied with the result. I guess the question is: what makes channel 10's coverage better than channel 9's? The story is the same so if you want to find out more you need to decide which one you'll watch. Chances are your decision will be based on the personalities of the newsreaders (likability ratings are a very common thing in TV circles, overall it seems to be the determining factor in ratings). This is a really lazy level of differentiation, in fact it is downright pathetic.



But moving on to real marketing for real people: I was asked recently on my thoughts on disaster fundraisers. More specifically the type of promotions that go along the lines of company X donating amount Y to charity every time product Z is purchased. You can call this incidental contribution. The companies that commit to a drive such as this are not diving into their own funds, which means the donation can be achieved without the pain of a lump sum exit.



Personally, I think the strategy is a good thing. It is usually driven by sentiment within the organisation rather than profit seeking. This is a important because customers are becoming increasingly cynical and they seem to have a real eye for being atrificially leveraged for sentiment.



Are you likely to get a huge spike in sales and/or profits because of this? It depends on your product, but the answer is most likely 'no'. What you do get is an increase in the perception of your corporate responsibility.

Just remember – if your customers (or potential customers) get the feeling that you're rubbing your hands together with excitement at the hands of a massive tragedy you will be inflicting untold harm to your brand (unless you're a media outlet!).

The Social Media Myth

You need a social media strategy.
 
That is the myth.
 
Simple as that – it's a damn myth that you need a social media strategy. What you need a customer relations strategy that answers these questions.

1. How will you find out what your customers want?
   
2. How can you communicate with your customers more often?
   
3. How can you get feedback on existing practices?
   
4. How do you increase brand awareness?

Keep the result in mind as much as the process!

Social media can be used for each of these things but when you describe the strategy in terms of the vehicle rather than the ultimate goal you've already lost the game. Do you call it a magazine strategy or a communications strategy? Unless you're a complete marketing hack you'll refer to any magazine advertising as part of your comms strategy, because it makes up a subset – just like social media does. So many companies are popping up on facebook, twitter, youtube, you name it! But do any of them actually know WHY they're doing it?
 
I love social media, I really do, because you get to connect with your customers. But every single social media activity I've taken part in: the goal is to give and receive information. You invite customers to follow you, you offer them sales incentives or tips, hints and information on your products and events. You might even give advice on related activities or companies you're involved with. In exchange you get feedback, knowledge and if the experience for all is pleasant enough, a boost in brand equity and loyalty. You also do this alongside your e-mail marketing, your old-school advertising (if you still do it) and tie it in with your PR goals.
 
Another myth:

Social media is free.

Nope, it definitely is it. Why is it that people never factor in time as a cost? Time = money, especially if employees are spending it on social media. You need to consider the benefit of social media and weigh it up against the other activities you're doing. Think about your customer demographic – are they suited to social media or should you stick to more traditional styles? Can you get valuable feedback on social sites or is your marketing team lacking someone who knows how to drive it efficiently?


  You can get so much out of social media if it's done properly, but you'll be spinning your wheels in the mud unless you know what you're trying to achieve.

 

Starbucks, and some thoughts on Branding.

Starbucks, despite its spectacular failure in Melbourne Australia is still a really strong brand and a fascinating one to watch.

They have now made the decision to join other megabrands Nike, Shell, McDonalds and Apple by removing all text from their logo.





Bad:

Personally, I think this is a bad move. Sure, they want to use their brand to enter into non-coffee products, but they still need the brand name on there. The reason is simple: there are literally millions of people that are not Starbucks enthusiasts. Yes, this company is huge, but one of the reasons their brand name is so well known is because it is placed next to the logo that is on so many coffee cups being carried by angry, hurried business types every single workday morning. If you want your brand spoken about by people who don't necessarily use the product (but you hope they will) you need text included.



Good:

I thought I would take the opportunity to commend Starbucks on their choice of logo. The two-tailed weird green mermaid is brilliant. Personally, I don't know WHY they chose that mermaid, or why she has two tails, or even what her name is, but I love that it is DIFFERENT! Compare to the other major coffee chains: Gloria Jeans and Hudsons, and what do you notice?



They've both got dark brown as their colouring. Boring, ho-hum, predictable, and because I'm not super-dedicated to any brand I get them all mixed up. Even The Coffee Club is too conservative with its black background and serious white font.

There are some smaller chains that are starting to differentiate a little. While in Perth recently I was told the most popular coffee in town was from a place called Muzz Buzz. (http://www.muzzbuzz.com.au/) Even better they offer it as Drive through! The brand doesn't appeal to me personally, I'm a Melbournite that has a local café that enjoys my entire share of wallet when it comes to coffee. But I like what Muzz Buzz is doing. They're starting to grow – 3 sites open in Melbourne, and well away from the snooty inner-city crowd (I guess I can include myself there).

Notice how Muzz Buzz has the word COFFEE in their logo which is exactly what you need to do when you are starting up. (unlike Google, which doesn't need SEARCH ENGINE, Holden doesn't need CAR, Hewlett Packard doesn't need PRINTERS and Gilette doesn't need RAZOR). Once your brand is well and truly established, which is a difficult thing to measure, you are free to remove the name of the product - just make sure you keep the name of your brand highly visible!